Ugly Sweaters and a Feast for the Eyes

Sweater studs.

Holiday Hint #1
When shopping for an ugly sweater, hit the womens dept.

Holiday Hint #2
Use a holiday themed, or appropriately colored paper tablecloth for quick post-party cleanup.

HobokenSandwich loves the whole person, including the crust. Like a sonofabitch.

PS: In the spirit of the Holidays HobokenSandwich would like to apologize to those whom we may have treated shabbily in 2008. Definitely our Asian readers, overweight or obese people, Americans, French, jews, christians, southerners, asian southerners, homosexuals, asian homosexuals, foodservice professionals, asian foodservice professionals, vegetarians, members of PETA (though we still think you are bat-shit crazy), republicans, democrats, Italians, black people, and certainly anyone who is latin or hispanic, or whatever you want to call those people.

On the other hand, we feel as though the following groups should thank HobokenSandwich for going above and beyond the call in 2008:
Pakistani's, Indian's from India(not the whoot, whoot, whoot kind from here in the US), starchy hot republican girls who were angry at their father, gas station attendants, asian gas station attendants, left wing nuts, big pharma, and guys who talk about anything fraternity related after the age of however old they were when they graduated from college.

HobokenSandwich would also like to apologize to every latin or spanish or whatever person who I come into contact with.....because invariably I attempt to speak spanish or portugese or whatever they're speaking. They hate it, I am sure. The first 10 times they think it is cute, and applaud the effort, but they soon tire and I can tell they are thinking that I'm an asshole. Sorry about that, amigos y' chicas.

Sorry I ruined your "Black Panther Party"

Holiday "Ugly Sweater Party" pregame at HobokenSandwich HQ. (somewhere in Hoboken)Shrimp cocktail. (I said "tail")

I do believe this is a product from Costco. I am positive the guacamole is Costco.

(It just occurred to me that I also said "cock" in a previous sentence. Which is actually funnier than "tail" is. So I'm just pointing that out so you don't think I'm an idiot for missing that. Because I did not miss it. Fuck you. Backseat driver asshole.)

HobokenSandwich never claimed to be literate.
Nor do we take any responsibility for poor grammer y' spelling.

Chocolate and Wine - Mon Fille'

Every year I buy these candy bars because they have my last name on them. I like to give them out to people during the holidays. I took 5 to my pizza place , I took about 20 home to my parents house for Christmas.

My sister and her husband are both pretty slick with their knowledge and appreciation for wine so I figured to package up a whole chocolate/wine experience for the adults in the family. I could picture everybody lining up to congratulate me on such a decadent and creative gift to all. I stopped into Sparrow Wine & Liquor on the 100 block of Washington Street in Hoboken. (near City Hall)

I was pleased to see the owner was available to assist me. Armando is the wine guy. He knows his shit. In fact, Armando holds patents on wine preservation technologies. Such is his passion, and it shows. When he asked "How much do you want to spend?" I replied "$15" and he raised his voice and expressed the urgency of the situation in a distinctly refined fashion while maintaining a slap yo' mouth intensity. "But you need a SPECIFIC CABERNET to match the dark chocolate!" In other words, fifteen dollars was going to get me a good cabernet, but not the perfect one for chocolate.

Armando even had questions about the quality and flavor of the chocolate. For a very dry, dark chocolate you want a spicy/dry cabernet sauvignon. Armando handed me an $18 bottle of Echevarria 2005 from Chile. For milk or white chocolate he moved me to a bottle of Fonseca Port Reserve, Bin 27. I dont usually enjoy port, but when you pair it with a really good chocolate it borders on sexual.
So after a wonderful dinner, and dessert, everyone got their fill of Guitar Hero, except perhaps the children for whom it was purchased, and it was time to retire.

As the family insomniac this is my annual opportunity to take a walk down the street where I grew up, sucking on a jacket pocket gross of chocolate kisses, and sipping port wine. (Is it weird that in many of my dreams, and even some of my fantasies, I appear as a stuffy, burned out, pipe-smoking, prepschool headmaster? Sometimes I wonder if this is a clue about my destiny to be an educator. Often I envision myself by the fire, sipping port, and reading a book with a bong nearby.)

Anyway, try the chocolate thing. It is genuinely a near sexual experience.
I know of what I speak. Armando will slap yo' mouth.

HobokenSandwich wishes you and yours a near sexual experience involving chocolate or a sandwich, or both.

Semi Annual Pic of the Week - 5 Story Drop

We are big fans of gravity at HobokenSandwich. It happened very quickly and splattered everywhere.
(thats what she said)
No pumpkins were harmed in the filming of this post. HobokenSandwich values the life of every pumpkin. Unlike those motherfucking hypocrites at PETA. Motherfuckers.

Holiday Sandwich - Long and Girthy

HobokenSandwich had a couple friends over to admire his prodigious holiday offering.
HobokenSandwich will allow you to let it all soak in.
Go ahead, don't be shy.
Isnt it glorious?

Bagels and Bacon - A Jewish Question

The Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Bagel Sandwich at the River View Diner, North Bergen, NJ

Every Tuesday HobokenSandwich is at his usual spot, facing the NYC skyline by 7am with one thing on his mind. The aforementioned sandwich.

The River View Diner in North Bergen, NJ affords HobokenSandwich an outline of the city skyline in near panoramic completeness. Backlit in red, then orange, then blue as I work my way through one half a bagel sandwich, then the other half of a bagel sandwich.

I don't regularly get up at the ass crack of dawn. But, I'm cursing by 5:45 am every Tuesday, because it is always worth it to arrive at this moment. At this moment I know many are still asleep. Many are just out of the shower, or ironing a shirt for work. I am in second gear, rounding a downhill turn about to slide into 3rd gear and dig into a pound of sandwich.

The bacon is thick. To call it hearty sounds very gay. Calling it thick now seems gay also. This rendition of a classic salty meat makes the sandwich. (Now I'm questioning the phrase "salty meat")

I may be discounting the importance of the River View's version of the plain bagel. This is a heavy, dense, tasty, bagel. It more than stands up to the abundance of bacon and egg in between. I'm curious where they get these bagels. Got to be somewhere Jewish. If my sandwich education serves me correctly those guys have the bagel figured out, no? Good bagel. Lachaim!

Is it in anyway against the rules that something Jewish works so very well with bacon? Is there not some rule about pork products? Help me out here, I'm self absorbed. So, not only do I not pay God no nevermind, but I cannot pretend to be interested in anybody else's belief system. I love the sound of my own voice. It is actually arousing to me. (Do not mistake this to mean that I am "spiritual". Though I am an ordained "Swami" in an internet church and I can marry people. Legally.)

So we are going to assume there is a Jewish rule against pork.
(Kosher! Pork must not be kosher!)

This means Yahweh is really baiting the hook by making bacon work so well with bagels, no? Does this not present a delectable conundrum to the average Jew? Bagels and Bacon are Fan-Fucking-Tastic!

I personally could not live without this sandwich. It is like waking in the middle of the night to find the familiar heat and scent of your sweet, sweet lover. In the pitch dark. Roaming hands, legs intertwined, breathing synchronized.....

I think we have identified some questions that need answering. Can someone confirm the pork thing?

HobokenSandwich enjoys a schmeckle of mustard on my pastrami.

Steak and Eggs - La Isla, Hoboken

Ladies,
This is but one of the myriad of options for Sunday brunch should you come to your senses and get it on with HobokenSandwich on a Saturday night.

Hanger steak, medium rare
Eggs over easy
Sides of rice and beans
Obligatory cafe con leche'

The meat is succulent. Not to be missed.
Brunch the next morning will be excellent as well.

HobokenSandwich is an island of warmth in an otherwise cold, cold, existance.

Sandwich Assaults in Florida - Hick's in Crisis

How intoxicated with unadulterated rage does one have to be to try and hurt you with a sandwich? It must be the kind of blind rage that compels people to care not if they soil themselves so long as some minimal level of punishment can be inflicted upon their baby-daddy using whatever resources are readily available to clobber the sonofabitch.

Recent events in the wildly literate state of Florida are beginning to raise eyebrows. In no way are we insinuating that the sandwiches in the following article were provided by Fillipo's on First in Hoboken. This is merely the first pic I found that I could use for this post. Seriously, when it comes to taking pic's of sandwiches and sandwich related material with la' camera' de chellular, I throw my hat into the ring with anybody. It is all about creating scale. I learned this technique taking pictures of my junk. (AKA "The WaWa Turkey Gobbler")


Sandwich Assaults in Florida - Hick's in Crisis

Part I

--- On Wed, 11/26/08, informant/deepthroatsandwich wrote:

From: informant/deepthroatsandwich
Subject: Re: Is the type of sandwich relevant?
To: "Hoboken Sandwich" :

Man nabbed after hitting girlfriend with sandwich

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. – A man faces a domestic
battery charge after allegedly hitting his girlfriend with a sandwich as she was driving on Interstate 95 on Friday. Police said the 19-year-old man became angry and hit the woman in the arm and face with a sandwich, knocking her glasses off.

The victim nearly lost control of the car because she couldn't see the road and the man then allegedly ripped off the rear-view mirror and used it to shatter the windshield.

The man was freed on $7,500 bail.

Police haven't said what type of sandwich was involved.

___

Information from: South Florida Sun-Sentinel,
http://www.sun-sentinel.com

HobokenSandwich is humming "It's a Grand Old Flag"

WaWa versus Blimpie

There are few conflicts as rife with deeply baked animosity as this.

Think about it:

India/Pakistan

UK/IRE

Israel/Palestine

Israel/Egypt

Israel/Syria

Phillies/Mets

Less Filling/Tastes Great

But the tension between the factions supporting WaWa and Blimpie is a veritable powder keg sitting next to the fire.

We can only pray. God will watch over us.


Imagine there's no sandwich.....
I wonder if you can......
Nothing to kill or die for.........
A brotherhood of man........

Imagine all the deh-lii's..........
Sharing all the world, yoo-hoooo.........

Reader Mail - 4L's Burger Talk Hoboken

On Wed, Dec 17, 2008 at 4:39 PM,
XXXXXX@XXXXX.com wrote:

Dressing does not a burger make

Dear Sir,

The burger at Four L's on 2nd and Washington knocks my socks off. Put aside the idea of dressing an overcooked piece of beef with cheese, bacon, and other slatherings. The succulency and slap-yo-grandma-flavor of the meat ALONE is unparalleled in a town that is home to more than a handful of establishments that boast the "Best Burger in Town." (Junior's, I'm looking at you…)

The fries are shoestring, perfectly crisped in clean oil and salted expertly. Quite the compliment. As I'm sure you're a busy man, I don't expect correspondence, but if you do find yourself as impressed with this fine sandwich, please let me know.


XXXXXX XXXX



(Reply Email from HobokenSandwich Below)


fromsangweech sangweech@gmail.com to: XXXXXX XXXX XXXXXXX@XXXXX.com
dateWed, Dec 17, 2008 at 6:11 PM
subjectRe: dressings does not a burger makemailed-bygmail.com

George-

Please accept our profound admiration of your passion and integrity as they relate to the sandwich arts.

While Hoboken is stacked with top tier burger offerings we can certainly afford to add another to the list. Unfortunately for 4L's I have been rendered unable to sample their fare in quite some time. You see, this establishment is frequented by a particular individual who, in the semi-recent past, gave HobokenSandwich a broken heart with a side of Old Bay fries and some coleslaw. As an emotional cripple it is simply beyond my capability to venture too close to she who chose to look elsewhere for the meat to compliment her buns.

Alas, if someday I choose to throw caution to the wind and make the leap back to society, 4L's will be the Everest I must climb. Until then I will continue to focus a disturbing level of value on sandwiches, and sandwich related topics.

My retreat from society serves to facilitate my art. A return to life might well be the death of inspiration. Give me a life of misery and meaning over a life of social comfort devoid of inspiration.

But, take heart good lad, our ship is not yet sunk as far as the 4L burger is concerned. We have prepared for such minor issues to arrise and have an established work-around.

For a HobokenSandwich T shirt (100% cotton) send one 4L's Burger to HobokenSandwich HQ and we will give it the appropriate attention. Submit your burger in a sealed FedEx, UPS, or US Mail express envelope and send it to:

HobokenSandwich
Attn: Buger, Quesadilla, & Soup Department
88 Clinton Street #9
Hoboken, NJ
07030

Please put your socks back on your feet and consider making this minimal effort to help improve the community, and perhaps put a warm glow back in the heart of HobokenSandwich.

Regards-HobokenSandwich

PS: Next time please include a picture you lazy sonofabitch

*end exchange*

HobokenSandwich always has time for the children...
and Burgers

Reader Submitted - Thanksgiving Leftovers

Open faced turkey sandwich, stuffing (packin), corn (maize), bread (pepperidge farm whole wheat).
HobokenSandwich asks: While you're at it, why not slap a native american in the face? Or do we save that for Columbus Day?

Ok, how about a blanket full of smallpox today, and save the face slap for Columbus Day when the disease will have weakened their uppity spirits?

Victory will be ours!

Cheeseburger - Pyro Grill

Fresh Food, Fast. That is the promise of Pyrogrill. No freezers or microwaves in the kitchens. Think on that, for a moment. And here is HobokenSandwich traveling 1000 miles to add Pyrogrill to our rolodex of "Super dope and super fresh masters of the sandwich universe list".
That looks like a cheeseburger to me. How do they do it?
Give that meat what it deserves!(Thats what she said) Dont grill the life out of it. Serve it medium, or medium rare.

This is cornfed cattle from the good ole' US of A. Open your eyes and appreciate the wonder of it all.

Long story short: tastes like a better time, in the backyard on my own grill, cooking burgers that I'd been daydreaming about all afternoon. Chedder, or onion and mushroom, tomato, mayo, ketchup. We'll save curry mustard for another conversation. I am simply excited about the fact that somebody is knocking out good burgers on a grill.

HobokenSandwich reaches far and wide to provide our community with intelligent discourse relevant to the sandwich arts.

ReJuice-a-Nation Cited in Port Authority Probe

Local Hoboken juice/smoothie/sandwich/soup spot is accused of inciting blatant disregard for Port Authority Trans Hudson rail regulations. The PATH special investigations unit has audio and pictures obtained through non-disclosed sources supporting the charges.
Re Juice-a-Nation spokespeople have stated that the photo's could "easily have been altered", and that there is no substantive evidence to compel an internal investigation.

Founder, Steve Barrardo is quoted as saying "That one PATH guy used to come in here all the time and get a smoothie and a shot of wheatgrass. Then we changed our shot cups for the wheatgrass and he goes banannas. Screaming and yelling about wheatgrass cups until we had to ask him to leave and never come back." When asked if this was the reason they were being targeted by the PATH investigation Barrardo was hesitant to commit. "Well, I don't want to say that is definitely the reason, but it pretty much is the reason."

So I guess we'll have to keep our eye on this one and see how it plays out.

HobokenSandwich reporting.
This post is factually, chronologically, morally, and spiritually devoid of any truth whatsoever. Except the part about Steve Barrardo being a Founder.

The case for "Pro-Life" as it pertains to Pizza

This story deals with adult subject matter and is intended for mature audiences.
The picture you see below is nothing short of a miracle. This pizza was unwanted. You see the order was for a (1) Margherita pizza, and a (1) Pepperoni pie.

It does not take a genetic engineer to see what happened here. There was a coupling of the Margherita and Pepperoni pies to create this "mixed" pie below.

"Nobody plans to be in this position, nobody wants to destroy a pie." said the local area pizza shop proprietor who asked to remain anonymous. "I mean, it was definitely early enough in the baking to make the choice to get rid of it, but that is not my nature. You just never know what that pie might turn out to be if you let it. Maybe I'm old fashioned, or something, but that is why we decided to have the pie and give it up to a customer for five bucks. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Plus, we got five bucks out of it."
The views expressed on HobokenSandwich do not necessarily reflect the views of HobokenSandwich ownership, management, affiliates, or assigns.

Espresso Pimp - La Isla, Hoboken

No milk. No sug'a. Straight up G style.
If you don't know 'bout HobokenSandwich, you betta axe somebody.

Double Parked Cheesteak Goodness

This is how good the cheesteaks are at Piccolo's at 90 Clinton St., HobokenHobokenSandwich